Retrieved from: 20Syndrome.The boy, who is now aged 14 but was 12 when he raped his sister, became addicted to hardcore pornography (n.d.) The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parents Love Rules Your Life.
With the help and support of safe people, distance from the abuser, and good therapy, Veronica was able to find freedom from the confusion and entanglement of this very dysfunctional father-daughter relationship.įor further reading on recovery from abuse, please subscribe to my free monthly newsletter on the psychology of abuse, by sending your email address to: P. Undoing the damage of this type of destructive relationship requires the following components: (1) awareness (2) deprogramming (3) grief and (4) boundaries.
She is so used to being defined by her perpetrator that she does not know how to define herself. Not only does she lack self-esteem, she lacks self. She learned that who she was didnt matter.
Not so with emotional incest, which is undercover, cloaked in care and concern. When someone is hit in the eye or when someone is physically raped, it is quite obvious they have been abused. This is what makes it especially damaging. The child of the perpetrator often feels special and seen by her abuser and is definitely unaware that any abuse is taking place. The perpetrator of emotional incest acts, appears, and for all intents and purposes, is very caring to his victim. No one is aware that abuse is even happening. It is named covert because it is hard to notice and the abuse is not overt or blatant.
Another troubling memory Veronica recalled, was the time her father commented, My little boy wants to play with your little girl.After this, her father didnt speak with her for three months. Once, on her 16 th birthday, she spent the evening with a boyfriend. If Veronica didnt do what her father wanted he would give her the silent treatment.Her father picked out all of her clothes (later she was to realize he was treating her like a sexy doll.) As a teenager, Veronica was not allowed to shop for her own clothes.When Veronica started to develop physically, her father no longer wanted her to call him, Dad or Father, but she was supposed to call him by his first name.On Veronicas 13 th birthday, her father gave her the book, The Joy of Sex, because he wanted her to be informed.Once Veronica started figuring out that she was a victim of something disturbing, she recalls the following memories: